Whitewash!

Yesterday in Datchet, painters descended on a house in Lawn Close, sporting paint-splattered clothes, and carrying paint-pots and rollers. Neighbours were aghast as the owner of number 57 welcomed the men to the village and invited them into his home.

"We don't need any more colour in Datchet. We've got a Morris Dancers society for that", grumbled a neighbour.


Not all residents agreed. "There's a recession on, and there aren't many high-rollers splashing out around here. I think they could brighten things up", said a lady with lurid fingernails.


Attempting to gloss over the furore, a spokesman for the painters, Matt Black, said, "Our hands are clean". Bristling, he added, "It's not as if it's painting by numbers, is it? You've got to work very hard in order to be creative with white base coat."



At the entrance to number 57, the owner, Mr Aendereew MecEenteeth (sic), declined to comment, except to say, "It's a complete whitewash! There's nothing more to add until the next time, when the cover-up will be exposed."